Do not confront the cheater until you’ve gathered evidence. Most cheaters will lie and gaslight you unless you catch them dead to rights, and even then they usually only cop to what they think you already know. If you confront them before you have the evidence, there’s a good chance they’ll take the affair more underground. Put all your evidence in a safe place. Never reveal your sources.
That’s basically what I did with this liar Matt Smith, I suspected that he was cheating since many months but I waited patiently to have all the evidences before confronting him.
Typically, he was using that cheater method of “gaslighting”: makes you doubt of the reality and turn everything against you to keep his deeds in the dark. He always pretended to be “crazy in love” with me, I actually wanted to get out of the relationship at the early stages because he was very secretive and the way, he behaves was just no right, but when I wanted to split up, he kept pestering me and begging me to stay with him, like a fucking dog. I eventually stayed with him because I pitied him and because he begged me so much I thought he was genuine and sincere , but he is just a manipulator.
There was a number of red flags.
- One day, he sent an email to all his contacts,including me, and his parents. He also cc’ed “londonbody2body”. Usually I don’t really pay attention to “mass email”but this email address was at the top. I thought it was so dodgy that I googled it, and saw that it was an Asian brothel in London. I questioned Matt about it “why do you have a brothel in your contacts?” and he acted at first like “I have no idea what that is”. I insisted saying that he sent that email to all his contacts so obviously he saved the brothel ‘s details in his contacts. He got angry saying “I don’t use prostitutes, shut up. My email adress got hacked and sending messages to people I don’t know” (gaslighting )
- He deleted me from his Facebook contacts, that’s quite weird to delete your girlfriend from facebook, huh? He got this excuse : “I don’t like seeing other guys commenting on your photos”. Right…but he kept adding all the time lots of girls, mostly Asian girls (or ladyboys in some cases). At first, I just thought they were old friends or coworkers…but then I started to suspect that they might not be friends after all. I knew his friends and I never saw any of these girls. He was adding so many “girls” and …so many Asians that it was weird. Surely you can’t have new co-workers every week , right? So where and when did he met all these Asians “girls”. Finally , I decided to contact one of these girls, who was actually a Thai ladyboy. And that’s how I knew the whole truth: he/ she told me that s/he met Matt on a dating site, who claimed to be “single” and looking for a relationship etc…
- With the evidence , I confronted Matthew who had to admit that he was cheating. Everything became clear: all these Asian girls and ladyboys he added as friends on Facebook were actually “girls” he was cheating with. I am myself half Asian, and I knew that before me , he dated a Chinese girl, but I didn’t know that Matthew Smith is actually a creep with yellow fever! It all makes sense now,all these Asians he kept adding on facebook, and that email where he cc’ed the Asian brothel because he visits Asian prostitutes.